Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Obama Supports Right to Unlock New Cellphones, Especially if You're the Fucking President

On Monday, in a response to a recent petition, the white house came out in favor of the legalization of cell phone unlocking. "The White House agrees with the 114,000+ of you who believe that consumers should be able to unlock their cell phones without risking criminal or other penalties" said the white house, "And if you have paid for your goddamn mobile device, and aren't bound by what feels like a fucking infinite service agreement or other obligation you signed your life away to, you should be able to use your own fucking property on whatever network you goddamn want to. Jesus Christ, it's common fucking sense. It should not be a problem if, for example, the President of the fucking United States of America wants to unlock his phone to use on another network."

The strongly worded response was sent only hours after President Barack Obama received his fifth late payment fee from AT&T in as many months. Barack and the first family have allegedly been trapped in a contract with the company, starting when the President was elected to the Illinois Senate in 1996 before AT&T purchased Cingular Wireless. He was then reportedly forced to renew his contract every two years along with the election cycle as indicated in the final words of his 2002 MLK speech on violence. "Dr. King talked about values like dignity and self determination… He was talking about human values. Black men and white men. Jew and Gentile, Protestant and Catholic. Muslim, Asian, Latino, homosexual and heterosexual. Old and young, rich and poor. We need to spend some more time people, talking about our shared values. We need to talk about how I have to sign another two year contract so I can get a phone upgrade at a reasonable price."

In 2010, WikiLeaks, a well known publisher of classified information, released several screenshots of the President's previous cell phone bills, indicating this is not the first time the family has had issues paying their mobile provider.

The President appeared on NBC's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" in October of 2011, suggesting that the majority of the costs are incurred from Michelle, Malia, and Sasha's "ridiculous" texting and data overages.


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