Thursday, March 7, 2013

Senate Mistakes Homeless Man for Rand Paul



John 'Starbucks' Jon, local District of Columbia homeless man, began a filibuster on Wednesday in which he spoke to the Senate floor for nearly 13 hours, ending when Senator Ted Cruz, Republican of Texas, recognized the man speaking was not his friend, Senator Rand Paul, Republican of Kentucky.

"I wake today to begin my day, as I do every day…[UI] every one, two, or three days" Jon began. "I speak until I can't speak no more. I'll speak as long as I take, until I'm shooed away by you there drones." At the mention of drones, the senate casually dismissed the speaker as Mr. Paul, who had previously promised to filibuster President Obama's nomination of John O. Brennan to lead the Central Intelligence Agency.

Mr. Jon is the first homeless man to use a filibuster. He continued speaking for hours, only breaking to ask if anyone had cash on them and would be willing to help a guy out. Following the success of his filibuster, he has been asked speak about the homeless problem in the United States later this month when Rand Paul gets back from his family vacation.

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