Friday, April 5, 2013

Shaking in Fear, Oil Covered Congress Presses Obama to Approve Keystone XL Pipeline


Covered in what appears to be various amounts of crude oil, Congress is increasing pressure on the Obama administration to approve work on the long-delayed Keystone XL oil sand pipeline. They argue that the pipeline, which plans to carry large volumes of heavy oil from the Canadian tar sands to the southern United States, will help lower the nation's energy cost, create more jobs, and provide a boost to the economy.

"Please help us,” cried Rep. Lee Terry (R-Neb), as he desperately tried to wipe black, sticky oil out of his matted hair. "Exxon Mobil promises Keystone XL is primed to give our economy a shot in the arm and make energy more affordable."

Earlier this week, Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) made the case that Keystone XL is an opportunity to meaningfully expand our nation's energy infrastructure and create thousands of jobs, and can do so without coating our government officials in another thick layer of valuable resources.

A bipartisan group of House Members on the Energy and Commerce Committee recently unveiled a discussion draft of legislation to "clear away the vast amounts of oil that is flooding Capitol Hill." Though some members of congress have pointed out that the project carries environment risks, most have grown tired and hypothermic from being completely and helplessly covered in poisonous substances every day.

Currently, TransCanada’s proposed pipeline is still under Obama administration review. The president is literally under pressure from the oil industry, trapped in a tank of heavy oil, until the pipeline is approved.

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